10 Ways to Build Emotional Intelligence as a Couple

How to Build Emotional Intelligence as a Couple

Contemporary psychology is focusing more and more on emotional intelligent couples. The idea of a person being aware of how his/her partner feels and how to respond to such emotions is something that isn’t discussed that much. It might be the key ingredient for a successful relationship.

We will present ten ways to build emotional intelligence as a couple. We will also discuss how emotional intelligence affects your relationships.

1. Before you look at your partner, look at yourself

With all the work, activities and social interactions going in our daily lives, we tend to forget about ourselves. We sometimes forget who we are, what are our strengths, what are our goals, what might be our ideal partner and so on.

Because of this, we forget where we stand in a relationship. And before we know it, when our partner needs a little bit of attention, we ignore it and focus on ourselves to better understand who we are. This is why you should start with your emotions first, then focus on your partner.

2. Empathy

Emotional intelligence in relationships doesn’t last if both partners don’t empathize with one another. Emotional intelligent wives can understand with their husbands when they come home from a hard day of work and want nothing except to get some sleep.

Emotional intelligent husbands can empathize with their wives when they are stressed because of an event or because of other factors. It’s an emotion that no relationship can survive without it. So take five minutes and put yourself in your partner’s shoes and see why they act that way.

3. Listen to your partner

Emotional intelligent couples should always listen. For example, wives talk about their hard day at work, emotional intelligent husbands would listen carefully. If the tables are turned, emotional intelligent wives will do the same. This is how you start understanding each other’s emotions.

4. Arguing is a good sign

When an argument happens, it is because a couple has different emotions regarding a certain topic. In this case, you should listen to what your partner says and vice versa. Arguing is a sign that you don’t agree with someone and you try your best to explain how you feel towards the whole thing.

If you respect how you feel and how your partner feels and your partner does the same, then you are a couple that understands how emotional intelligence works.

5. Positive emotions

When you are happy, live the moment, don’t suffocate your feelings. Let your partner understand that you are happy and do the same for him or her whenever they experience the same feeling. This can be applied to other positive emotions as well.

Understand how your partner feels and act, observe the patterns and act accordingly. You can extend their happiness by joining in and celebrating as well.

6. Negative emotions

Do the same as you would with positive emotions. Observe the patterns and how your partner acts. Try to comfort them, offer some suggestions. It is important to let them know that you will be there for your partner. If it persists, ask your partner how you can help. Ask your partner to help you to help them.

Communication is the key in every relationship, no matter how good you are at understanding your partner’s emotions.

7. Question the emotions

If you find yourself doing something you don’t like, question the reason you are doing it. If it’s related to something emotional, ask yourself what made you feel that way. The same thing you can do to your partner or your partner can do to you.

Emotional intelligence in relationships can be tricky, and you will get a lot of information from how your partner acts. Just look for the patterns and find a way to comfort them or join in to help. Always be caring and always be careful, because you just might miss some details regarding your partner’s behavior.

8.  Emotional traps

If you want to know how to build emotional intelligence as a couple, you should start by avoiding emotional traps. Jealousy, anger and many other negative emotions that end a relationship should be discussed. Maybe there is something more to it than just a simple feeling that occurs when certain events happen.

9. What triggers you?

Some events can affect you, one way or another. Emotionally speaking, some people can feel with more intensity than others. You should analyze why a certain event in your life can trigger those emotions and why those emotions. It’s also a good idea to discuss this subject with your partner; he or she may help you.

10. Let those emotions out

If your or your partner feels neglected or worries about something, it’s time to let those emotions out. The more your hold onto an emotion, the bigger it gets.

For example: if your partner worries that you are spending too much money on this and that, but avoids telling you this, it can result in dire consequences. You will continue to spend money while your partner will eventually pop like a bottle of champagne, unleashing all those negative emotions.

It is important to discuss these problems whenever you stumble upon them. Bottling your emotions can release a shrapnel of negative emotions, acts and can quickly destroy a relationship. By discussing you will also calm down and find solutions to some of the problems.

If you want to know more about how emotional intelligence affects your relationship, you could always go to a couples counselor. You might find out more methods to make you relationship bloom. Expert advice is always recommended for such things, so don’t skip out on it.


These ten methods can offer enough information if you want to know how to build emotional intelligence as a couple. The trick is to listen, analyze and experiment with emotions. Treat your partner as you would treat yourself and if you expert advice can help you, then don’t avoid it. Do some research as well.

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