Being in a love relationship, especially in a long-term one, can give us the confidence, sense of security and positivism that we sometimes need in order to overcome the complicated games that life seems to play with us. However, comfort can never substitute efficiently the feelings of pure, romantic love that makes us wish for a happily-ever-after story.
Even though there is no such thing as the perfect relationship, you can detect a good and healthy one by various small, but essential characteristics: when you get the feeling that there is always someone to care for you when you are not able to do so, when your partner gives you the certainty that he needs you in his life exactly how you do, when you can see that this relationship brings out the most beautiful things in you, and so on.
But what about that time when you suddenly realize that something in your life feels incomplete? When the sensation that you get while being with the person with whom you lived some of the most beautiful moments of your life is not the same anymore. Nothing has changed between you, but you constantly feel that everything is different. And it bothers that you don’t know what and why.
Losing your interest is definitely a sign that your relationship is close to a dead-end. But how can you know for sure that you are currently in this situation and when should you consider more seriously where is your relationship going?
Your partner is not the first to come to your mind whenever something important happens to you.
Do you remember those times in which whenever a new thing occurred in your life, no matter how little or insignificant it was, you could not wait to share the news with him/her? Or, if something bothered you, you would immediately call your partner because you knew that he/she would understand you perfectly. But now you realize that you are not that excited about telling them different aspects of your life and that days pass before even remembering to discuss with your significant other the latest life decisions that you made.
You don’t miss them anymore.
In the first weeks/months of your relationship, you could not imagine letting more hours in a row pass without hearing anything from your partner. Just making sure that they are fine, that they are thinking about you, and, more importantly, that they know that you are thinking about them was absolutely essential. Of course, these are all part of the initial euphoria, but if today it doesn’t even bother you to not talk to them every day or worse, you don’t feel the need to, then you should really consider why you are still together with this person.
You don’t feel the need to impress them anymore.
We are not talking here about changing major things about you in order to meet your partner’s expectations and impress them. But those small things that you used to do as a reminder of how much they matter to you (a small love message left somewhere around the house, a romantic dinner prepared as a surprise, a certain activity that you know your partner likes to do, a new thing about you that you cannot wait to show to him/her, and so on) are important as much for your partner, as for you: they show you that you still care about how he or she feels about you.
The differences between you seem more obvious and harder to overcome than ever.
In any relationship, the ability to accept and respect each other’s passions and interests is essential in order to make things work. In the beginning, it didn’t seem to be a problem that each of you had a different favorite way to spend their time – as long as you could do it together. However, you have come to reconsider this situation and now it seems impossible to be with a person so different from your way of being. You don’t know how you managed this at first, but now it’s evident that it can’t lead to anything good.
You don’t accept the idea of having to compromise.
In close connection with the previous point, the fact that both partners need to make some compromises in your relationship does not seem so attractive any more. And it makes sense: why would you accept to change different things about you or to renounce pursuing various goals in order to contribute to the well-functioning of a relationship in which you have clearly lost interest? Yes, any healthy relation needs some compromises from both partners and the moment you refuse to do so is clearly a sign that, for you, it just wouldn’t be worth it.
You don’t have the same need for affection.
A good relationship should be defined by everything it implies. So, even when a single aspect is not how it should be, you can start asking yourself some questions. The most natural thing in a relationship is to feel the need to spend intimate moments with your loved partner: kisses and hugs should never miss and they should all come spontaneously, giving you that butterfly-sensation again and again. The moment you observe that this is no longer important to you or when you begin finding excuses to avoid physical contact should definitely make you try to understand why.
You are not as interested as you used to in what your partner does.
At the beginning of the relationship, the simple idea of not knowing constantly what, where and with whom they are spending their time (and we don’t mean it in a bad way) would drive you crazy. Now, these details about your partner’s life are just not that important to you anymore. Even if you get to observe that there is something suspicious in their behavior, you don’t have the same need to discover the truth simply because it doesn’t affect you that much. Furthermore, you don’t seem to have the necessary patience to listen to everything they have to say.
There are fewer and fewer things that they can do to please you.
Lately, there is always one thing or another that your partner does/doesn’t do that constantly annoys you. You can’t seem to be able to tell if what they do is a new habit or if you simply didn’t notice it in the beginning. What is certain is that now you can’t stand them and that they always lead to a fight. No matter how hard they try to please and satisfy whatever you wish for, it seems like your partner can never understand you completely.
You realize you can have more fun without your partner.
At the beginning of your relationship, everything appeared to have been made for you two and you always wanted to take advantage as much as possible of the time you spent together. However, you can now see that you were wrong and that attending a party, going out with friends, spending time with your relatives – everything feels better if you are on your own. Even though this is not always necessarily a bad sign, if it happens constantly or if it feels like a burden to go out accompanied by your partner, you should really wonder why.
You get overexcited by the idea that other persons show interest in you.
Don’t get us wrong – it’s perfectly fine and natural to appreciate a compliment or even to have the need of an innocent flirt from time to time. The problem is when these things come to mean more to you and when you can’t stop thinking about that other person and how it would be if you accepted more than a flirt. If this happens frequently, it clearly shows that you are not satisfied by your current relationship and you should try to discuss that with your significant other.
The idea of having to spend the rest of your life with this person scares you.
Of course, the idea of a permanent commitment is not very pleasant for many of us, but this doesn’t mean that you don’t love your partner any more or that you don’t wish to be with them for a long period of time. But, normally, this should only have a constructive purpose, motivating you to do anything in order to make the relationship work. When this is not the case and when the commitment premise shows you that, in fact, this is not the person that you imagined to spend your life with – then you should not lose a single moment and try to see if this relationship is what you need.
You have more frequent thoughts and doubts about where you are going with your life.
All of a sudden, you are dissatisfied and you feel like there is something in your life that isn’t working as it should. If, when it comes to your profession you know what you want and what you can do to achieve it, you can’t say the same thing about your personal life. The uncertainty feeling of not knowing where your relationship will lead you or the moment when you realize that this is not what you really need is crucial and should not be ignored.
If, while reading this article, you discovered that many of these points are similar to what you feel in your relationship, than you might want to reconsider what is that you want and what you can do to achieve it. Because, even though it’s awfully comfortable, staying with a person just for the sake of being in a relationship could only lead to frustration, unhappiness and even resentment between the partners. No matter what you decide, always make sure that you are happy, accomplished and satisfied with your choices.