Everybody knows the saying “Nothing lasts forever”. When speaking about love, it doesn’t last forever because we often make it die, either purposefully or accidentally. The number of couples breaking up is sometimes bigger than that of couples that fall in love. That should rise a sign of alarm. There’s something we’re not doing right. There are a lot of reasons why people break up. Here’s the 10 commonest of them all, those that are truly universally applicable.
The most frequent reasons for break-ups
Cheating was and will forever be the #1 culprit. At the same time, it’s perhaps the most unethical thing you can do while in a relationship. Its repercussions can be catastrophic, depending on the severity of the unfaithfulness. Anyway, cheating doesn’t leave too much room for discussion. “Once a cheater, always a cheater” is unfortunately valid. Not in all the cases, but still.
Not all reasons for break-ups are necessarily products of ill-intent, disinterest or dead fire. Life is unpredictable and sometimes a break-up can be tragic for both partners. Moving away is one of the most frequently met reasons for breaking up, in particular because long-distance relationship don’t always work out. She moved to another city for college, he left for a better job in a distant location, the partners were not from the same country to begin with – all of these are possible scenarios and they do happen.
When you’re truly in love with somebody, lying is out of discussion. That, however, does not mean that there aren’t partners that lie to each other constantly. This may be for hiding an infidelity, protecting them from ugly truths or simply for the sake of it. Cheating is usually the direct connection to lying. And of course, trust shrinks gradually. Now, there are forgivable and unforgivable lies. Some partners may behave as if there was nothing wrong, but that’s up to a point where they just can’t take it anymore. Breaking up is at an arm’s reach.
4. Incompatible personalities
People are different. Honestly, it would’ve been really boring if we would’ve been all the same. With all these, conflicting personalities have this bad habit of showing up after you’ve engaged in a relationship with somebody. It’s all flowers, honey and milk for a while, but then it becomes too obvious that something’s not quite right. Different personalities automatically lead to arguments and, in extreme cases, to pure, downright hate.
5. Abuse (mental and/or physical)
No one should ever put up with abuse. In this case, break-up is a blessing. It doesn’t really matter if it’s mental or physical – no-one should be abused and no-one should abuse in the first place. If you don’t like your partner, then keep going, don’t make her/his life a hell on earth. There’s plenty of fish in the pond, you know. Also, never be silent about it if you’re in this circumstance. Alert the authorities, your family and your closest friends.
Oh yes, the ancient and despicable jealousy. Still one of the most frequent reasons for break-ups worldwide. 99% of the time, jealousy is the direct consequence of distrust/suspicion. It’s not really the jealousy in itself that breaks couples apart, but the thought of mistrust it summons. Surely, jealousy can be justified or absolutely grounded. It’s unpleasant in both cases, anyway. If you’re jealous, you should probably let your partner know that, so she/he doesn’t give you any reasons to lose it and do something you don’t really want to do. Jealousy is truly one of the most devastating things that can impact a relationship.
7. Choosing a career over your partner
Work is important. It provides food, shelter, entertainment and clothes. In spite of this, you should probably slow it down when you work 24/7. You must make some time for your spouse. It’s less likely that you’ll ever find a couple that resists more than a few years in this conditions. A career is not a bad thing, naturally. It’s a bad thing, however, when it makes you forget that you’ve got somebody you have to show you care once in a while.
8. Too much control
There are some relationships in which one of the partners should wear a prison shirt. That’s truly sad. Being committed to someone doesn’t mean you have the rights to control her/his life. It’s all about freedom. Relationships between partners that feel free at all times are the longest and the healthiest of them all.
9. Different objectives
Closely related to different personalities. Partners may have conflicting objectives. This wouldn’t be so bad if partners wouldn’t get in each other’s way. If you’re predestined to go on different paths, it’s probably better to do in the beginning of a relationship. In this way, you’ll both spare yourselves the drama or the heartache. But then again, as long as you’re not tripping each other, the relationship can function properly.
When we’re in love, the person we’ve fallen for is surrounded by fluffy clouds and a blinding halo. After some time, we realize that love was kind of blinding us. Everybody has a vice, whether it’s drinking coffee or smoking cigarettes. Those are “mild” vices. Taking drugs, on the other hand, is a serious issue. Alcoholism, too, is a real problem. These are vices that can destroy a relationship in a matter of minutes, especially when they render it completely dysfunctional.
There are plenty of reasons why couples decide to separate. These are just a few, but there are probably tens of other ones, maybe as many as the number of people on the planet. But there’s also a bright-side: there are as many reasons to fall in love with somebody as there are for breaking up. Every relationship can be worked on – but by both partners. It doesn’t help if one is giving his best and the other just half of what they can.