Having a break-up can be hard on both of you, even if it happened for a good reason or because it just occurred. After a while you will feel miserable, I’ve been there. That’s when you will probably take the worst decisions to either fix the situation or fix yourself, one way or another.

Here are the first steps you should take after a break-up:

1. Meditate on the fact that a break-up was necessary and couldn’t be avoided. If one of you got sick of this relationship or it just didn’t work anymore, a break-up at this stage may be the best thing that happened for both of you.

Continuing with a bad relationship is like beating a dead horse, it will never improve. In fact, you will be so sick of one another, that you might become enemies before exes. So a break-up might be beneficial for both of you, and it can at least save your friendship, that is if you believe in such things.

2. Don’t take the break-up as an insult or your ex as an enemy. Things happen for many reasons and, as I said above, a break-up is possibly the best thing that can happen to you. You should respect your partner’s feelings and his/hers decision. Being in a bad relationship can result in both of you doing bad decisions and even more regrets.

3. If you are the one who called for a break-up, it’s natural to feel sorry for your partner if he is heartbroken. In any case, your decision stands. You have your reasons for calling this, break-up and you should tell your partner how it is. It’s never easy that I can say to you. It’s awkward, and sometimes you feel like you just have to run away and don’t tell your partner anything.

4. Meditate on how you will continue your life. A couple of months ago your partner was a big part of your life, now he/she is gone and so is that chunk from your life.

Think of ways to fill that gap so you can start a new life, with new opportunities, with a new perspective. Leave the past behind and never bring it to the table when you are looking for an improved future.

5. In the past, you used to spend hours per week with your loved one. Those hours are now turned, into free time, and I strongly recommend that you use that time to your advantage. I, for one, started playing music on my piano. It can sooth your soul and mind. It will make you forget your past and present problems. And with every new song you create, you will feel accomplished every day. You will feel as if you’ve done something every day and this type of activity can open other doors in life like doing online videos, starting a band, concerts, etc. And with new doors open and new opportunities, you can meet a lot of new people and take part in other events that life has to offer.

Or maybe you will want to hit the gym and improve yourself physically. Sacrificing one or two hours per day to improve your lifestyle and how you look can have positive effects on your mind and soul.

You can do whatever can get you through these dark times and still help you in the future. You only need to do is to be open minded and ready to try new stuff.

6. Create a goal in your life so you can at least have something to hold onto. Try reading the whole Harry Potter book series or go on a trip around the world. Clear your head and try to create the right path for yourself so you can slowly forget about the break-up.

7. Start meeting new people. New friends can always brighten your day and make you forget the situation you are in. Have a couple of drinks, but not too much because here is what can happen:

  • You will start sobbing for no good reason
  • You will be so depressed that you will even make Edgar Allan Poe laugh hysterically
  • You will be angry at your ex even if it was you who called the break-up
  • You will call your ex in the middle of the night with your mouth still glued to that cheap bottle of vodka
  • You will puke saying it’s your ex’s fault
  • You will hit on the local barman or waitress and start dancing weirdly in hopes of getting their affection
  • You will do all from above and much more and scare the living hell out of your new friends thus nullifying this whole step

So when you are trying to meet new friends, keep in mind not to turn into a bipolar, crazy person that will get millions of views on YouTube. Avoid binge drinking in hopes that it will make you feel better. Trust me on this.

8. Wait a little bit before you start dating again. It may sound like I am offering you an impossible task but jumping from a fresh break-up to a new relationship is usually a bad idea.

You will enter that new relationship with the bags from the old one and the bonus heartbreak. You relationship will suffer, your partner will suffer and it won’t take too much before another break-up. Two break-ups in a row? Ouch!

Conclusion:

Here are the first steps you should take after a break-up. These steps were created using my past dating life and my friends’ life as inspiration, so there are no fairy tales here.

Take your time, meditate on what happened and what you need to do, avoid binge drinking or doing decisions without thinking about them. You are now in a fragile state and a combination of bad decisions can ruin your self-esteem and some good years of your life.