If you have been in one or more relationships, you might have heard from your friends or even experienced the “I need a break” talk. It sucks, especially if you’re the person who’s hearing it and you weren’t expecting anything at all from your significant other.
Most of the time the talk goes this way: one person says they need a break, but they don’t actually want to break up, because they want to sort some things out in their life and they aren’t particularly sure about how the relationship is going, also know as they aren’t sure of their feelings.
The weird part is that some people understand this notion of “having a break” differently. Remember Ross from F.R.I.E.N.D.S., which constantly said the infamous line “We were on a break!”? – he pursued another woman while being on a break with his girlfriend, Rachel. At that given time, he thought it was completely all right but his girlfriend did not, as she found it as cheating.
In this article, we will find out what does a break actually implies and whether it is for a lifetime or it just a time-related thing. Furthermore, we will break down the “rules” of having a break and what can possibly happen when two individuals decide to get back together.
Why Are You Taking a Break?
That’s a good question to start with because the reason why your significant other or you decide to take a break for a while is mostly connected to the reason behind it. It can vary: you don’t get along anymore, you or the other person needs to sort certain things out etc. Each situation is very different but in all cases, in order for the “break” to have a positive outcome, it needs to follow some rules.
When Does a Break Actually Works
Let’s say that you’ve been in a relationship for more than half of a year and you find out that your partner has lied to you and he has an alcohol addiction that he had in the past. Instead of breaking up with them, as is a recurrent event, you can choose to have a break.
The most important aspect is how you set certain rules for the break to work. You need to set a motive (in this case, it is your partner’s alcohol addiction), boundaries and certain rules. This means that nobody is allowed to see anyone else until the issue is solved. Moreover, you need to give that person an end date – for instance, a month to get everything sorted with his or her issue in order to get everything sorted out.
Rules should always be set because without them it sounds more like a breakup than just a break. When two individuals take a break it doesn’t mean they’re “free” and they could do anything they want with their life. If they choose so, it means that they don’t actually want a break, but actually, a breakup and they don’t know how to put it into words without hurting you.
When a Break Doesn’t Work
Well, as I’ve said above, it will definitely not work if the two people don’t have feelings for each other and they don’t want to be in a relationship anymore. If there isn’t an exact reason for the actual break and there isn’t any goal, solution and especially an end date to it, it means that it’s practically a breakup and the chances of getting back together aren’t that high because one of you doesn’t actually want that any longer for themselves.
Moreover, you definitely need to talk through the break a lot and have everything settled, what does that mean to you, if you will further have any conversation with each other while you are on a break. It is very important to know what is going to happen and not be left out in the dark.
Ok, so if you go on a break just to be with someone else and to be “sure” of your actual feelings, that isn’t a break – it’s more of a break-up.
The general opinion on this matter is that breaks don’t actually work because they are just a way of actually breaking up with your partner. I’ve had multiple friends that took a lot of breaks with their significant other saying that the reason is that she is in need of more space or that she feels that she couldn’t communicate as she used to.
When these kinds of things happen you need to be aware of the outcome. Would you want to be on a break that will eventually end up in a break-up? You want a break just to show the other person that they need you because they were not treating you as you wanted. What is the actual reason for your so-called break?
Keep in mind that there are very few examples where this can actually work. The both of you need to be mature about the whole subject and talk everything through. Sometimes there is no need for an actual break but for a heart to heart discussion to see why did it fall apart and how can you actually fix it.
All in all, it actually depends if this break situation can solve issues that you and your better half encounter in your relationship – it might, if you trust each other a 100% and it might not work if you are skeptical about the whole situation. It all depends on the outcome you’re looking for.
If you won’t be sure about the whole situation, it might as well just end in a break-up that’ll last for a lifetime. You don’t want that to happen? Then you should just be aware of the different outcomes, analyze every possibility that can happen, talk to your partner instead of fighting with them and then, possibly, if you’re really meant for each other, your love will find a way.